Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
