I need help removing her.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
