and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
