can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
