Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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