I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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