chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
