The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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