Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
