If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
