Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
