i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
