I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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