so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
