I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
