peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
