i was born a porn star she said
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
