Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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