I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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