How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i think my cat just said my name.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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