Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
