The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize