Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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