so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
