I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
