He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
