I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize