we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
