you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
