Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize