Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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