Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
