My nipple is on Facebook.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
