If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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