weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
