Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
