chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
