why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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