It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
