I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
