I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
