I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
