3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
