Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
