All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
