Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
