Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
