i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
