we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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