Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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