What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
