I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Randomize
