The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Boobs speak an international language.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
