end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
