He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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