Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
