the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
