there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
