the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
