I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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