Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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