she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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