if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this just has baby written all over it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
