Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
