its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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