:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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