I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
