Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
