dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
