If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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