I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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